I CLEARLY REMEMBER my first Star Wars viewing experience. It was The Empire Strikes Back. The year was 1979. I was eight years old. I still hadn't seen the first film. (I was too young to see it in the theater in 1977, and we didn't have VCRs back then.) So I could hardly wait to finally see my heroes in action.

Just prior to leaving for the theater, I stopped by my older sister's bedroom and said, "Do you realize the significance of the film we are about to see? Do you really?" She looked at me like I was nuts. I probably was.

Once we got to the theater, I don't think I blinked for the next two hours. Never mind the fact that I already knew the story inside and out. I'd read the graphic novel and the storybook, played with the action figures, and discussed the film ad nauseum with my friends. I was primed. And I was not disappointed.

Fast forward twenty-six years: Just prior to leaving for the theater, I turned to my wife and said, "Well, I predicted this could potentially be the best Star Wars film since The Empire Strikes Back--and the first good film in this second trilogy. The critics seem to agree with me, so here's hoping."

As with Empire, I had already read the graphic novel version of this film. And even though that and the trailer gave me some hope that Episode III would finally redeem the first two stinkers in this second trilogy (see my review in the Comix section of Hollywoodjesus.com), I am sorry to say that George Lucas has let me down again. Who was I kidding? I knew the trailer for this film was too good to be true. Perhaps I should have left it at that.

Honestly--and this is coming from someone who recently started collecting vintage Star Wars action figures again--if this film didn't have the Star Wars label on it and it had been written by a relatively unknown screenwriter, do you really think anyone would have bought the script, much less made it into a movie? Set your nostalgia aside for a moment, and you'll see what I mean. It's okay, you can admit it: This film stinks! Okay, maybe I'm being a little harsh. But I was literally falling asleep during many points in this movie, and I don't think it had anything to do with the fact that I am now 34 and that I was at a 10:00 showing. That's when I usually go to movies, and I never fall asleep! Oh to be eight years old again... Would I have written a different review from the one I'm writing now? Somehow I don't think so.

Sure, Revenge of the Sith features many of my favorite Star Wars characters, both old and new. It's also chock full of stunning digital landscapes and epic battles. But despite all of this grandeur, the film is about as emotionally engaging as a Tide commercial. Great, George, you finally have all the toys you need to realize your vision. There's just one problem: Your vision called. It said you lost it long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

I know, I should probably stick with tradition and go into the spiritual questions this film raises, such as "How does a good person turn bad?" But I think the only pertinent question here, spiritual or otherwise is, "How does a good filmmaker turn bad?"

I've read enough about George Lucas to know there is an auteur inside of him just dying to get out. THX-1138 is more than ample proof of that fact. So why has George kept that side of himself hidden for so long? Was it money? Power? Fear of failure? Whatever the reason, we--the children of Star Wars--need that part of George to come back out and assert himself. By the sounds of it, George needs it to happen even more than we do.

For that reason, I'd like to give George Lucas some advice that comes straight from the Godfather of roasted chicken himself, Kenny Rogers: "You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run."

George, you've been holding 'em for a long time. Thank God you're finally folding 'em. It's time to walk away now. Heck, run for your life, George. Thanks for all the great memories, for firing my imagination as a kid, for inspiring me to follow in your footsteps as a professional imagineer. Now please, please go off and inspire us again.

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